My friend The Amazing Jimmy Gray always used to say, “There’s no such thing as a bad song.” I’d try a different song on him every night before the gig. “Hey, Jimmy, what about ‘Torn Between Two Lovers’?” “Aw, man, that’s a great song! I was listening to that the other night!” It was always the same reaction, and I think he was genuine about it. And I agree, in a way, that every song is or has been “a great song” to someone, if only to the person who wrote it. Well, every song except “Who Let the Dogs Out.”
Bobby Goldsboro Donna Fargo
Dave Barry’s gotten a lot of mileage out of his bad song surveys–consistently the subject of his most popular columns. He’s a funny guy and he and his readers get laughs while getting it right most of the time. “She’s Having My Baby,” “Billy, Don’t Be a Hero,” “Disco Duck”–anyone would agree that those are some bad songs, except Jimmy Gray, and the millions of people who made those songs big hits. That’s the beauty of Dave Barry’s lists: he doesn’t accept nominations of obscure attempts by unknowns. His honor roll is Neil Diamond, Bobby Goldsboro, Barry Manilow. Artists who sold millions of records to actual people. (And although Donna Fargo doesn’t make his list, she’s right at the top of mine.)
A truly awful song like the answer song to Randy Newman’s “Short People” called (ungrammatically) “Short People, Your Beautiful” doesn’t qualify. Only ten or so people ever heard it, and they won’t admit it.
There are a few songs that tend to get mentioned, whenever folks are discussing worst songs ever, that I do like. And I don’t mind admitting it. So here’s my list of ten songs I like that most people think suck.
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“MacArthur Park”-The Richard Harris version, which tops Dave Barry’s list of worst songs ever. I love what others hate: Harris’s melodramatic, quivering vocal, the over-the-top orchestration. Great! And the songwriter ain’t no slouch: Jimmy Webb. In his Book of Bad Songs, Barry writes that “there is a small but vocal group of people who like, even LOVE, MacArthur Park.” I’m one o’ them.
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“Alone Again, Naturally”-OK, I admit Gilbert O’Sullivan sounds wimpy and sings a lot of frou-frou forced rhymes. But I thought it was a pretty song when it first came out, and I still like to hear it. Just not that often.
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“At Seventeen”-Ditto for Janis Ian’s mopey hit. Loved it then, like it now.
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“Brandy”-I’m not sure how often this song makes Dave’s lists, but it’s my wife’s second-least-favorite song (after Minnie Riperton’s “Loving You”), so it makes the list. I love the lead singer’s loungy delivery and the little background “doo-doot-n-do-d-doo” parts.
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“Cat’s in the Cradle”-I don’t love this Harry Chapin song, but it’s too well written to be a perennial bad song nominee. And I don’t care what anyone says, I love Chapin’s little interjection in “Taxi”: “He said, ‘Harry, keep the change.”
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“Tiptoe Through the Tulips”-Tiny Tim is a cultural and musical oddity, but I liked his shtick, and he really did know his stuff. It’s another one, though, where a little goes a long way.
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“Let ‘Em In”-Yes, it’s one of Paul McCartney’s really dumb songs, but it has a mood about it that I like. When it comes on the radio, I won’t let my wife change trhe station.
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“It Must Be Him”–Vikki Carr’s rendition of this oft-listed number is right up there with Richard Harris’s in the melodrama department. So bad it’s good!
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“Is That All There Is?”–Peggy Lee had an unlikely hit with this song, which was written by Lieber and Stoller and arranged by then-unknown Randy Newman. Many hate it–a co-worker and I used to play it repeatedly in the back room where we worked and receive death threats from all the other employees–but I truly love it.
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“Wives and Lovers”-I can understand why this makes Barry’s lists, particularly with the female voters, because its lyrics really are outdatedly misogynistic. But it’s bouncy and corny–and oudated–in the same way that Doris Day is in Send Me No Flowers. So it’s OK, right?
Running/Breathing 